This week has reminded me that I truly have no business trying to be a domestic goddess. I woke up in a cute mood thinking, “Let me bake something cosy and wholesome.” Should’ve minded my business. Should’ve had a cup of tea and called it a day. But no — I decided brownies were on the agenda.

At first, everything seemed calm. Then the mixture suddenly started bubbling like it was plotting something. Flour went everywhere, cocoa powder somehow made it onto my thighs, sugar sprinkled itself across my chest like I was the dessert, and a splash of milk hit the wall with far too much enthusiasm. The bowl even made a suspicious noise at one point. It was pure British baking chaos — none of this Pinterest perfection people pretend to have.

I caught sight of myself and honestly had to laugh. Flour on my cheeks, apron clinging on for dear life, hair sliding out of place, and me patting myself down like that would magically fix anything. The kitchen looked like it had been raided by pastry-loving gremlins.

Then — as if the timing wasn’t already ridiculous — one of my regulars messages:

“Babe, you going live on cam today?”

I looked at my reflection: dusty, messy, flustered… but actually? Weirdly sexy. So I tied my hair up properly, adjusted the apron (and by adjusted, I mean left absolutely nothing to the imagination), and went live.

And oh my days… the men went absolutely feral.

Turns out “chaotic but fit home baker” is a whole entertainment category I’ve accidentally mastered. The chat lit up like Christmas. Someone immediately asked me to lick the spoon. Another wanted a wiggle with the whisk. Someone else asked if I could bend over and check the oven — like the brownies weren’t already a lost cause trying to smoke themselves into existence.

I’m not proud, but I fully leaned into it. The apron slipped lower, the chocolate smear became “artistic,” I held the spoon like it was an accessory in a very naughty photoshoot… and suddenly we were deep into a very steamy, very messy cam session. Honestly, Mary Berry could NEVER.

By the time I wrapped up, the kitchen was still a crime scene, the brownies were absolutely burnt beyond saving, and I was laughing because only I could turn a baking meltdown into something that belongs on late-night TV.

And yes, babe — the polished, sexy, perfectly edited version of all that delicious chaos is already up with my newest uploads. The apron didn’t stay on long. The spoon definitely made a cameo. And the flour added a whole… aesthetic.

So if you need a laugh, a turn-on, a distraction, or just something far spicier than the British weather ever manages to be…
Go watch the new uploads.
My baking skills may be tragic — but my content?
Absolutely mouth-watering.