So you have decided to spread your wings and try a little BDSM play? Or perhaps you have had certain urges for as long as you can remember and have finally plucked up the courage to book your session. Maybe you have opened Twitter and seen your ‘ideal’ Domme and you just have to contact her now. Whatever your story, make sure you THINK before you take that leap.

Firstly, listen to your cock.

What kind of session are you looking for? Do you want some pain or just a tease session?
Google is a wonderful research tool and sometimes newbies seem to forget this. To show a Domme you are TRULY interested, look into your kinks. It is fine if you are not sure what you do like (how can we know until we try something?) but contacting a Mistress and saying “I would like to book a session but I don’t know what type” will not get you very far – you must have some idea of where you want to start!
If you are not sure then watch some BDSM clips and see which ones make your trousers feel a little tight. Pain, humiliation, tease, role play, bondage, slave training are just a few areas to look at. Also be very clear about any limits you may have: they help us to plan and mould your ideal first time session.

Read up about your prospective Mistress

The majority of Mistresses have a website with all the information you will ever need; go and read it. If they do not, then you need to think about whether or not they are going to be able to deliver a professional service.
Each Dominatrix is different and offers different services, operates at varied times and has her own preferences. On their website they will probably state their preferred way of being addressed – I personally am happy with Miss / Mistress Courtney. Hi ‘Hunni’, ‘Babe’, ‘Gorgeous’ etc. will not get you brownie points and mix it with another faux pas (such as not knowing where I session from) will probably earn you a listing in my Timewasters (TW)
folder.
Contacting a Mistress stating the type of session you want to try, offering some times and dates that tie in with the Mistresses operating times and also a compliment on a part of her website or social media account will have you taken seriously. Try not to make the email too long – if you want to pour your heart out to someone who ‘gets it’ write it all down in your journal first, then take the most important parts to create your email. Some Dommes prefer to be contacted by telephone or do not accept texts so ensure you use the accepted method. I prefer emails and texts, simply because I have a record of our conversations. So again, read her website!
Do not ask her for things she does not offer – if she says she does not provide a certain service, she is not just saying that for ‘tax’ purposes (yes, someone has said that to me before)! Her mind will not be changed because you think you have a good body. No means No! Personally, I do not care what you look like – we are not going on a date, we are arranging a session. If someone does contact me telling me how good looking they are or how they are different from my other ‘stereotypical clients’ then this will earn you a spot in my TW list – I am not interested! Again every Domme is different but do remember your manners

The Reply.

You have sent your email and now the anticipation is building, the excitement coursing through your veins, all you want in the world is a reply from the beautiful dominant lady. You think about sending a text to inform her of your email … STOP! Have some patience, it’s more than likely that she is not sitting around twiddling her thumbs and waiting for your email. She has a personal life, many sessions booked in and she will get back to you when she can. I like to sit on my laptop and reply to emails so I can give my full attention. Weekends are the worst time to email me as usually I am booked up with sessions on a Friday and Saturday while Sunday is my day off. Occasionally an email will go unread, not for any particular reason but because life is life. I do put on my website that if you do not receive a reply within 10 days then to send the email again. You will get your reply and you
are one step closer to being in front of the lady of your dreams.

She wants a what?!

So your session has been accepted and the time and date is set. Some Mistresses require a deposit: this is for a variety of reasons and some people’s hearts start pounding, “No, if I send you a deposit it will show up for all to see on my bank statement” or “She can find out all about me from this”. Get a grip, we are too busy for this and, no, we don’t want to spend our time Googling your details and then donning wellie boots to brave the rain (we do live in the England) to perch outside your bedroom window plotting our blackmail plan. There are many ways you can send a deposit – you can walk into the appropriate bank and do a cash deposit – no need to give any personal information here. Some Mistresses accept gift cards – OH NO! Worried about the purchase showing up on your bank statement? WALK into your local Tesco or any supermarket where you will find a range of gift cards from Amazon vouchers to department stores. There is no excuse for not providing a deposit and if you do not want to then you will flag that timewaster card again. Feel nervous about sending money to a stranger? If you have done your research on a Domme and have seen her reviews then this should not be an issue. If you haven’t then more fool you.

The day has arrived …

It’s time for the session. How exciting, and well done for getting to this point! If a confirmation is required by a certain time, ensure you contact her accordingly and do not wait until the last minute, earlier is always better.
Arrive early if it makes you feel better but letting her know you are at the premises 30 minutes before the session will make no difference. It is highly likely she will not be ready for you – the dungeon may be in use, she may getting ready or setting up the room for your session – informing her of your arrival 5-10 minutes before the session time is appropriate.

When you enter the dungeon, do say Hello! Then listen to her instructions and let her know your ideas or concerns. Have the remaining tribute (MONEY) ready in an envelope and give it to her – it means the ‘paperwork’ is out the way and we can focus on having fun.
Finally, enjoy yourself. Try to relax and let yourself go … you have been waiting for this and you deserve to let the Mistress take you to a place you have never been before.

Follow up with an email a few days later if you have enjoyed yourself. Feedback and a ‘thank you’ is always appreciated and we are human beings at the end of the day. We appreciate some praise and even a gift if you feel like it.
Try not to book a session too quickly after your first time … give yourself time to process your day, figure out what you liked and what you didn’t, do some more research and then after a few weeks (I usually do not accept repeat sessions less than 3-4 weeks later as from
previous experience I find it can create an unhealthy addiction) if your time and finances permit, book again.

Do not expect every session you book to be as amazing as the last or first. Every Mistress is different but do take every experience you have as a learning curve – this is a journey you are embarking on and it is an exciting one … one that you will remember forever and which will fill you with a feeling that you will not experience anywhere else.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step … Be brave, take that step.