Escort Profile

I am still formatting this travesty… so it’s a hot mess, which is kinda what I'm looking for in bookings 😜

The profile of Bare Naked Truth.

My Username is NOT a euphemism for services, it’s a distinction on my lack of bullshit, and a truthful accounting of my personality and style.


I’m not quiet, or passive, I’m comfortable in my own skin, know I’ve got a mom bod, and I’m a slut.. if your thinking throwing them at me will upset me you’ve got the wrong female, so save the internet some bandwidth and take the "You're fat, You're a bitch, blah blah' bullshit elsewhere.
To be CLEAR, I won't entertain emails, texts etc, Trust me my fingers hit block & delete quicker than google comes up on your search engine.

I know that YOU have flaws, but I’m willing to make you feel like king of the world, if your willing to let me.
Im a positive person in outlook, attitude & thoughts, albeit sprinkled with a very LARGE dash of sarcasm, blessed with quick thought processes, and I'm super quick on the comebacks and eye rolls.
Don’t mistake me being nice or gentle with you for weakness, My personality is all me, but my attitude depends entirely on you.

If you want to learn from me, Yes I’m talking to all you Gen Z’ers with a MILF fantasy, that’s fine with me… but have a little respect while you do it.
Being a millennial I’m reasonably good with txt spk. .. but too much and I’m likely to be sarcastic, so actual sentences please, K Tnx.

Gen X - I’m fluent in something a little more sedate with a bang at the end, and more than happy to age like a fine wine with you.

I have respect for ALL my clientele - but as I said I’m a millennial, so I’m as bat shit crazy as I am respectful.

Banter, sarcasm, and a whole lot of fun, filth & orgasms go into my bookings, or at least that's what I bring to the table.

Expectations vs Reality

Pictures vs RL
My pictures are taken by me, I’m not overly vain, & 98.6% are unedited.
As I said: Mom Bod, and I’m good with that.
No my hair isn’t naturally blue/purple/silver/black or any of the rainbow colours I dye it with, I like changing it.
Yes I add eye definition with cumbrellas (false eyelashes), not always, but for pics yes.
No I don’t wear foundation, I can’t contour worth a damn. Don’t ask for FULL make up etc, it’s not going to happen, I like my skin to breathe and foundation doesn’t help that, occasionally it has spots & or the odd dark eyes. I do have some rich red lip tiny if you want it all over your dick (and my teeth).

What I do edit in pictures
Bruises, I'm a clumsy fucker, Blemishes- so spots when they're the size of Mount Vesuvius, those are rare though.
My wrinkly grampa forehead, growing old disgracefully has that added perk. I considered filler or botox but it’s not my thing, I do try not to raise my eyebrows in pics a LOT, which results in a lot of resting bitch face, but I promise I'm usually super cheerful, and have dimples you can jizz in.

Porn VS Real life

Ah guys, you all know you watch it, and want to be the star of your own show, and there are amazing women out there who offer that - I'm NOT one of them.

I’m not a porn star, so here’s the deal:

Don’t try to get me on my knees and slam your dick as far down my throat as you possibly can within 10 minutes of meeting, and I won’t bite your dick. (Don't try testing me on this I will bite it.)

What I will do in return for you, is instead go at my pace, relax my throat and give you the best damn head you’ve had in a while, and it'll make you wonder why you thought fast and hard was the only option.

Shaving VS Bush central

If you want your balls or arse licked.. shave/trim. (Seriously, I would've already flossed for the day, and don't need a ted talk)
I don’t mind bush central on top, let’s face it America had two in office and by all accounts they were both pricks, and we all know how much I love those.

5pm shadows.. they are ok, just don’t drag them across my flaps, I’m likely to hiss like a demon escaping from hell and Satan still loves me, so don’t be mashing your face on my delicates unless you want to unleash hell.

I won't rim anyone who is unshaven/untrimmed, and you have to wash your arse when you arrive, also don't shove your balls/arse in my face and expect me to know what that means (clearly I know) a lady likes to be asked.

Beards and clean shaven dudes, I’m likely to be grinding on you so hard you’ll probably visit Valhalla.
That said, if you prefer me to hover like Marty McFly, just say the word.

Anal in Porn Vs Anal in reality

What you don’t see on film is the preparation.
The Douche. To clean out any lurking lunch,
The butt plugs, or inflatables women stick up there ass before shooting to relax the sphincter.
The 5mls of lube syringed up there before so it glides in.
You see the dude spit on her dimpled Dimond and shove it up there… it's all very good editing, and looks like she can take a 4 inch thick 12 inch monster up her arse dry.

The reality is:
Preparation is key, or your gonna have shit on your dick, a bad smell, and she’s gonna be bruised if not a little bloody with a case of flatulence for the rest of the day, and worrying if she’s gonna shit her pants or on the next client when she orgasms. (It happens).

The Do's & Don't for Anal with ME:
DON'T try to go in dry, the only thing I will stomach dry is my great grandmas Christmas turkey, and even then... it's borderline.
ADVANCE NOTICE: 2 hrs so I can clean out any breakfast/lunch/dinner, I may have left in there.
ANAL PLAY FIRST: That doesn't mean start with one and jump to almost fisting me, My arsehole doesn't stretch like that.
LUBRICANT, LUBRICANT & MORE LUBRICANT: I will make you so slippery even the FBI won't be able to find you.
LET ME GUIDE IT: That saves you punching into my fartbox, like the hulk, and I don't need to feel like I should return the favour to your nose
LENGTH is better than girth here, so if your GIRTHY... sorry but this isn't an episode of Ass Destruction on PH, and highly unlikely to happen, but my CUNT, loves a good wide boy in her.